Burnout: An Epidemic
The first time I felt chest pains, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, staring down at a to-do list that was impossible to complete. I’d always been an overachiever at work, known for being someone who would go above and beyond. I’d climbed the corporate ladder easily, landing increasingly more prestigious (read: demanding) roles as the years ticked by. I assumed that line of work was where I’d always be. Sure, working in business development for government contractors was stressful and not always aligned with my personal beliefs, but it paid well, and I was good at it. But then my body started to rebel.
At first, I dismissed the chest pains. Everyone gets a little anxious. But then I started waking up at 3am, brain whirring with everything I needed to do that day – emails to send, meetings to run, issues to resolve. I could not turn my brain off at the end of the day. Work consumed me. And in turn, I consumed more food and alcohol – anything to numb out from the stress for even a few minutes. It turned into an unhealthy cycle that went on for years.
Worlds colliding
I eventually saw a doctor about the anxiety and got on a low dose of Lexapro, a medication that addresses not just anxiety but also depression. It took the edge off … for a while. I also had my hormones tested. Maybe what I was feeling was perimenopause and had nothing to do with the fact that I dreaded work each day? My results showed cortisol levels off the charts, and my adrenals were tapped out. My doctor told me I was experiencing burnout, a buzzword I’d heard before but not connected to my situation.
I’d love to tell you that those results, plus the shitty way I felt daily, spurred me to make changes to my work and life. But nope. I existed in this overwhelmed, unhappy, and unhealthy state for a couple more years. I am embarrassed to even write that – especially as someone who was building a small side business as a Reiki and breathwork healer. I intellectually knew I needed to do something different, but I didn’t know what. My two worlds were colliding: my empathetic, softer, intuitive side needed to slow down and live a gentler existence. My scarcity, fear-based side craved the security from the full-time government job, even though I knew it was no longer in alignment with me.
But the body will eventually let you know when it won’t be ignored any longer. The chest pains increased in severity. Some days I didn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t make it through even one day without a meltdown. I didn’t have a choice anymore; I either had to make some serious changes or quite possibly let this thing kill me.
Time to heal
So much has happened between that realization and now. I took a five-month leave of absence, made possible in part by utilizing some short-term disability I qualified for based on being diagnosed with an anxiety and panic disorder, along with depression. I thought five months would be enough time to take a short rest and then figure out a completely new career path that would make me happier.
But I underestimated how much time it can take a body and brain to recover from burnout. With only a few weeks left of my leave, I quit corporate America without much savings or a backup plan. I’m terrified some days, exhilarated others. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know I will be putting my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health first from now on. I occasionally still feel that flutter in my chest, but now I stop and pay attention to it.
I’m holding a women’s gathering at the Be Free Healing Center in Fort Collins, CO on May 4 to talk about burnout – what got us here and how to work our way out of it. I’ll be bringing my tools of guided meditation, journaling, community connection, and a sound bath to help soothe the nervous system. We won’t fix burnout in a few hours, but my hope is that by bringing our feelings and thoughts about burnout into the open, we can begin to heal. Let’s lean on each other – together we are stronger!
Soul Revival: A Woman’s Journey from Burnout to Balance
Sunday, May 4, 1-4pm at the Be Free Healing Center, Fort Collins, CO. $40.