From Burnout to Balance
I sat at my work desk, in front of my laptop and two monitors, the fall sun streaming in from my west-facing windows, cat purring nearby. Sounds like a peaceful scene, right? It would have been, except for the piercing pain in my chest that had been a near-constant companion for months. Sadly, I’d grown accustomed to not being able to take a full breath and living with this heavy weight on my heart. My job, my career of nearly 20 years that once brought me excitement and a sense of purpose, had slowly morphed into something that was crushing my soul and spirit and was now causing physical symptoms. I couldn’t ignore it any longer – I was officially burnt out.
What is burnout?
Burnout is a buzzword thrown around a lot these days. But what does it really mean? Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands. The term “burnout” came from a 1976 novel about dissatisfaction in the workplace and was picked up in the psychological sphere and then in the scientific world.
If left unchecked, burnout syndrome can cause health issues. Different studies have associated this syndrome with concentration and memory problems, difficulty in making decisions, reduced coping capacity, anxiety, depression, dissatisfaction with life, low self-esteem, insomnia, irritability, increased alcohol and tobacco consumption, and a higher risk of suicide. Other studies found that people with high levels of burnout are more likely to suffer from a variety of physical health problems, such as musculoskeletal pain, gastric issues, cardiovascular disorders, headaches, increased vulnerability to infections, and chronic fatigue. Burnout has also been found to dangerously increase blood cortisol levels and is considered an independent risk factor for type 2 diabetes.
Subtle and not-so-subtle shifts
In my case, my government contracting job had not only gotten so overwhelming because of the nature of the job itself (think intense deadlines, working only with high-strung people, essentially being on call all hours of the day), but the work had fallen very out of alignment with who I’d become. I used to be a proud member of the Type A community, and that no doubt helped me become successful at my corporate job. But through my own spiritual journey of becoming a Reiki practitioner, breathwork facilitator, and sound healer, among other things, doing the day-to-day grind expected from my career no longer fit me.
I tried to make it work for a long time. I switched companies three times in three years, thinking they were the problem. I prioritized self-care, making time for exercise and nature and naps. I put every last bit of energy I had into Akamai Healing, thinking that filling my cup that way would somehow alleviate how I felt the rest of the week. I even got on anti-anxiety medication. But in the fall of 2024, when the chest pains could no longer be ignored, I waved the white flag. I couldn’t continue to live like this.
It’s not your fault
I went back to therapy and was diagnosed with a panic disorder, anxiety disorder, and depression – predominantly caused by my job. While this was good news because it allowed me to use my short-term disability benefits for some time off work, I still felt like a failure. Why was I so weak? A lot of people don’t like their jobs yet don’t end up on disability for it. I’d grown and healed so much of myself over the last decade – why couldn’t I fix this?
Now I know through my research that burnout is not a personal problem. Rather, it’s a consequence of the circumstance, activity, or issue that has led to feelings of burnout. For me, resting for a few months was necessary; I slept a lot at the beginning. And my physical symptoms pretty much went away. But the mental and emotional stress remained, especially when I started to think about returning to work in the spring. I don’t yet have a term to describe the kind of burnout associated with having to do something you don’t believe in anymore. “Soul sucking” comes to mind. Regardless, something needed to change. I knew I couldn’t go back to the same role and routine that got me in this state in the first place.
Over the few months I was able to take off, I thought long and hard about what I was willing to withstand and what I couldn’t. Leaving my 20-year career was scary on many levels, mostly financially, as I’d always been the breadwinner in my house. Akamai wasn’t providing enough to live on yet, so I needed to find something that would allow me to support my family while not exacerbating my burnout. After many discussions with my family and others, I decided to form my own consultancy, offering similar services as I had honed in my corporate job, but with a lot more control over my schedule, the clients I worked with, and what I charged. I’m still in the beginning stages of this new venture, but I already feel like I’ve regained my spark, and I am again feeling a sense of purpose in the work I’ve done so long but had written off for dead.
From Burnout to Balance
Now, I realize a full career change in a matter of a couple of months is not possible for most people. But I have learned a lot, mostly through trial and error, about burnout and stress management. It’s something I now feel incredibly passionate about, so much so that I’ve created a workshop called Soul Revival: A Journey from Burnout to Balance for women who are in a similar spot – burnt out from work, health stressors, family obligations, caregiving … the list goes on and on.
In this three-hour workshop, we’ll gather in sacred sisterhood to share our experiences (the good, the bad, and the ugly!) and begin developing support structures and tools to help us navigate the challenging times that contribute to burnout. We’ll incorporate guided meditation, creative time, supportive energetic practices, and spacious unwinding time, including a sound bath. You’ll leave refreshed with tangible tools to practice on the way to moving from burnout to balance.
Soul Revival: A Journey from Burnout to Balance
Sunday, May 4, 1-4pm
Be Free Healing Center, Fort Collins, CO
$40